Boy Crazy
I remember one summer, I was working with my best girlfriend for a Five Star Hotels Singapore , when we were sixteen and we’d run errands for the hotels. I loved this job because I would run into all kinds of cute boys and I would instantly fall in love with all of them. My girlfriend didn’t understand it and would do her best to try find us another place to work; a place where I wouldn’t run into so many boys. I told her that I wouldn’t follow her to that other job because I like the fact there are so many boys here. She told me my obsession with boys is unhealthy. She sited the one time I fell very hard, very hard for a boy and I guess I’m still down and depressed. My best girlfriend really cares about me, but she told me if I keep up with being boy crazy that she will stop being my friend, not because she doesn’t love me, but because she can’t stand me being hurt by every guy I meet.
I told her falling hard and fast is exhilarating and scary at the same time. I love that first initial thrill of finding out if he’s ‘ The One ‘. I told her people who spend too much time analyzing what’s going on and playing it safe sucks. It takes all the romance out of it. She told me there’s a big difference between being swept up and feeling completely out of control. She told me to ask myself if my new love interest would ask me to do something I’m uncomfortable with, like going to a dicey-looking club on my second date, a place that she knows I’m extremely uncomfortable with, would I voice my reservations or would I sweep my reservations under the rug to avoid ruining the moment. She used a one of my real life experience to make her point. She told me that I sweep my true feelings under the rug all the time because I’m venerable and have no self esteem. That I’d rather throw myself under the rug because of my addiction to the thrill with the idea of being in a whirlwind romance. She told me that isn’t how to create a long-term relationship . I told her she’s just jealous because I’m prettier than her.
That summer, I lost my best girlfriend. I think about her all the time, wondering how’s she’s doing. Today, I’m still single, still boy crazy and still miserable. Her words of wisdom are finally making sense to me. It took me over a decade to finally realize what she was saying and it took me too many heart breaks. I now see how stupid I really am and see she wasn’t jealous, but that she loved me. I miss her.
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